In just a couple of days, many of us will be celebrating love in various ways. We often use this time to reflect on our different relationships and the love that exists within them. At This Mama Wines, we are reflecting on the importance of friendship. Here is one of our favorite reflections from  Guest Blogger Tracy…

I am Tracy, an early 30’s (34 is still early right?!), single/never-married woman with no kids.  You are now officially wondering “why is she here talking to me on This Mama Wines?!”.  Well, let me explain…first of all, I am truly a fan of TMW.  I read each of the posts and they all truly inspire me as someone who hopes to one day be a mom.  More specifically, a recent post on the “4th Trimester (and beyond) Style” inspired me to reach out and write this post.  It made me think more broadly about how those of us that are the close friends of mom’s play a role in a mom’s “4th Trimester (and beyond)”.  I don’t dare try to give parenting advice…based on the first sentence here, it’s clear that I don’t have the slightest clue what you ladies go through on your journey to becoming a mom.  But, I can speak to the core of who you are as a woman; with or without kids, we are the friends that know YOU.  I feel there is room for me to do better as a friend seeking to understand what my mom friends needs are; I want to be a support to you in ensuring you can still be YOU.  I hope that made sense LOL.  That means going beyond asking if you need a babysitter…it means seeing if you can find someone else to babysit while we go out together shopping for the wardrobe update or just a nice dinner and girls night over wine.  It’s those “little things” that really all together help you feel like yourself post-baby.  As the friend, I want to be a part of making sure you don’t lose that; making sure you don’t forget your hobbies and interest and goals. I recognize this is easier said than done because, we all, single, married, kids, no kids, etc. have busy lives; weeks and months go by and promises to get together become unfulfilled.   But I want to commit myself to do better at following up with my mom friends on those promises.

Another thing I have found between new mom’s and friends is miscommunication.  It can often be awkward for us as friends right after someone we know and are close to has a child; we don’t always know/understand what our friend’s needs are in those first several weeks.  Her needs (as you know all too well) can vary greatly from mom to mom and there are tons of factors that can play into her needs, but I always find myself struggling to know what to do.  Does she want company at the hospital in the days after birth? Will she be mad if I don’t come or will she feel it inappropriate for me to come?  How soon after she comes home does she want guest?  Would she consider me coming over a huge help or would I be a burden?   How often do I call her?  Would I be disturbing her if I did call or would she feel neglected by me if I do not call? – See! Soooo many questions!  When at the core all we want to do is be a good friend.  And we know that as a mom, you too have the best of intentions.  You want your privacy and at the same time don’t want your friends to feel neglected.  Or you want company from a friend, and don’t know how to ask because you think of yourself as being a burden to her.  In most cases among friends things usually iron themselves out over time, but how can we avoid this awkward phase?  I want moms to know they should never hesitate to reach out to their tribe; heck, before baby arrives, state your needs and as friends, we will do our best to be there for you.  With our without kids, at this age and stage in life, we are all very busy.  But we are each other’s village!  Let’s do the best we can to support each other into becoming the women we are destined to be.
Mamas, how do your friends support you? How have you overcome the challenge of reconnecting with friends after childbirth? What do you love most about friendship?