My lovely husband Corey and I tried for 6 long years to get pregnant. With one heart break after another. I felt like I was a letdown to him and to my family. In the middle of our fertility journey, my husband got deployed. So, we took a break. During that break, I felt like I was drowning. If I had ONE more person say “Just relax. This break is what you need. It will happen when it will happen.” I was going to SCREAM.

After finding out when Corey would be home for his RNR, I went back to the fertility doctor. We ran all the test so I could do another round of fertility shots while he was home. Once Corey got home we prayed and began the process. Anyone who has been through the fertility process knows about the 2-week waiting game. This game was so long. After two weeks, I took a pregnancy test, and it was positive! I couldn’t wait to Skype Corey and tell him. It was our dream come true. We said we would wait until I was further along in my pregnancy to tell our family. I made it 12 weeks and the day before we were telling our family I had a miscarriage.

I was heartbroken. I was alone and now I had to break my silence to my family since Corey was overseas.  I called my mom to let her know that I was at the hospital and that I needed to be picked up. When she got to the hospital, she asked what she could do and I could not respond.  When I was able to leave the hospital, I finally called Corey. Making that phone call was extremely hard. I’m not sure what was harder to handle, the miscarriage or the call to him. He tried to act ok but I could hear it in his voice. We had it all planned. We planned out our announcement, we chose names, it was our year!

Once he got home from deployment we went right back to trying to conceive. After two more years of negative pregnancy test, we began talking about adoption. He wasn’t ready to give up but I was beyond my breaking point. So, we made a deal. We would get information about the adoption process but we would continue to try to conceive. After reading all the information to adopt it felt like another long and expensive journey. So, we kept trying with the fertility doctor. And then one day it happens.

After our two-week waiting game, we got the positive sign on the pregnancy test! We decided we would tell our parents and siblings right away. The more people praying for us the better. Plus, I was already having problems. I was put on bed rest immediately. I couldn’t keep anything down and had to see a high-risk doctor once a week. I was so happy when I made it to my second trimester but was scared at the same time. I don’t remember much about this pregnancy but I do remember how afraid I was. I had so many people tell me to “calm down you are pregnant” or when something would go wrong to “just be happy you made it this far.” At that point, I decided I was going to try and enjoy this pregnancy.

My family, friends and I started planning my reveal party and shower. I got to be involved and help plan the parties, although I was on bedrest. The day of the reveal party, we found out that we were having a boy and it was the first time that I felt my baby boy kick. I was still on bedrest so not much partying for me, but husband party enough for the both of us. He was getting his boy.

In my third trimester, I got to do modern bedrest. That was GREAT. I could get up and walk around more and go places. At that point, I felt like a weight had lifted. I had my BEAUTIFUL shower with all this personal touch I said I liked at other people showers. It was great! I got to walk around and enjoy the day like a normal pregnant lady with no fear.

A few weeks later I went into labor. I was only 31 weeks so all my fear came rushing back. The day before I went into labor, my entire family rode in a St. Patrick’s Day parade. So, when I went into labor, they were all hangover, included my husband. I have never seen anyone go from hungover to sober so fast. When the doctor informed me that my water broke and that I would have to deliver my son, I was in shock. It was a crazy roller coast from that moment.

I had my son with no epidural. He was pretty healthy for a preemie. He only spent one day in the NICU, which was a miracle because he was so early. We got to go home after just a week but ended up back in the hospital for a month. Then we got to go home for good. We still had a lot of doctors visits but we were finally all together in our home.

My first year as a mom, was not like I dreamed. I had my miracle baby, but I felt so alone. He wasn’t sleeping and all he did was the cry. When I would ask people for advice they would laugh and say “Pray. You tried for 6 long years for this, so suck it up.” I was struggling, and no one seemed to understand my feelings. My exhaustion. My heartbreak.

At one of my lowest moments, I connected with a group of moms who completely understood EVERYTHING about my journey. I finally had a support group. This group of ladies was the life line I needed. As the love of my son grew, I decided it was time to start the process to grow our family. I spoke with my fertility doctor, she told me to stop nursing my son for a month than to come in to see her. So, I did.  After running test and speaking with her, she said there was nothing she could do to help me because I was already pregnant. I was in shock. I was told I couldn’t have kids on my own. I was told that I would have to go through the fertility process in order to have more children. Although I was surprised, it was one of the best surprises I have received.

A few months later we welcomed our beautiful spicy daughter. And like that, we were a family of four. We have our ups and downs and not every day is roses and sunshine but I wouldn’t trade my family and friends for the world.